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Four marriage busters: Are you guilty of any of these?

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So you’ve married the love of your life and nothing is gonna tear you apart. Not like your brother James and his ex Ashley; and definitely not like your cousin Trisha whose divorce was a long, loud, painful process. Good for you! But just one question — are you sure?

Everybody knows there are certain behaviours almost guaranteed to break up a marriage. Infidelity is one; domestic violence is another. You may be sure you would ever do these — but what about the everyday bad behaviours that destroy a happy relationship?

The surprising secret to a long life

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You won’t be surprised to here that unhealthy lifestyle choices, like smoking, excessive drinking and bad eating habits play a role in how long you’ll live. Nor would you be amazed to learn that chronic illness affects the number of years you’ll have. But here’s something that may well be new information — if you feel healthy, and if your mental agility feels sharp, you’ll live longer.

The findings come from a longitudinal study of over 6,000 adults and were recently published in the journal Psychological Science. Stephen Aichele, a psychological scientist at the University of Geneva in Switzerland and his colleagues wanted to study if cognitive function, health and lifestyle variables could be used to predict mortality.

Crushed! Is it ever okay to be infatuated with someone other than your partner?

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Oh oh! At first glance the obvious answer is no. You’ve met the love of your life, settled down, got married and have committed yourself to a life of monogamy… so why do you find yourself constantly thinking about Eamon from accounts, or Jennifer from the gym?

A crush or an infatuation is an absorbing passion for someone. It means you think about him or her all the time and imagine what it would be like if you were together. Because it is all in your head, this alternate life is blissful. But that’s only because you never get to find out that Eamon is useless at helping out around the house, leaves his dirty socks everywhere and is way too fond of World of Warcraft; or that Jennifer snores really loudly, takes hours to get ready, and talks during films.

Most crushes are based on unrealistic expectations and sometimes the object of your affections has no idea you have any feelings towards them. If your crush is a celebrity they might not even be aware you exist, even if they did retweet something you wrote that one time.

Why Acceptance and Accommodation is important

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Bad behaviour vs annoying behaviour

How willing are you accept your partner’s foibles? It seems obvious to say: we all have personality traits and idiosyncrasies. Some of these are unacceptable, unfair or make a happy relationship impossible. Examples of these include:

  • Aggression
  • Addiction
  • Boorishness
  • Dishonesty
  • Dismissiveness
  • Quick temper
  • Rudeness

Other types of behaviour can be annoying at times, but these are not necessarily deal breakers for most of us. The following types of behaviour could be seen as annoying:

Election is looming. Can neuroscience tell how you’ll vote?

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American election is looming, but have you ever considered how exactly you decide who to vote for?

Now, presumably you’ll say that you choose a candidate based on his or her platform, promises, political party affiliation and other such rational criteria. However that is not the whole story. There may be many reasons why we choose candidate A over candidate B, but not all of these are a part of the conscious decision-making process.

Can people change?

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If you look back at your life, does the person you are seem pretty much the same — older, and maybe a little wiser — or do you see significant change over the years?

It is a truism — at least in Western cultures — that people don’t change, or at least not that much. It’s quite a depressing idea. It tells us that if you have a grumpy disposition, you’re likely to stay that way.

Many people believe that personalities are a fixed set of unchanging traits. Think of the expression: “a leopard doesn’t change his spots.” This is meant to warn us that someone who treated us badly is likely to do so again. But here’s the question — what if you’re the person who needs to change?

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