Why Acceptance and Accommodation is important

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Bad behaviour vs annoying behaviour

How willing are you accept your partner’s foibles? It seems obvious to say: we all have personality traits and idiosyncrasies. Some of these are unacceptable, unfair or make a happy relationship impossible. Examples of these include:

  • Aggression
  • Addiction
  • Boorishness
  • Dishonesty
  • Dismissiveness
  • Quick temper
  • Rudeness

Other types of behaviour can be annoying at times, but these are not necessarily deal breakers for most of us. The following types of behaviour could be seen as annoying:

Election is looming. Can neuroscience tell how you’ll vote?

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American election is looming, but have you ever considered how exactly you decide who to vote for?

Now, presumably you’ll say that you choose a candidate based on his or her platform, promises, political party affiliation and other such rational criteria. However that is not the whole story. There may be many reasons why we choose candidate A over candidate B, but not all of these are a part of the conscious decision-making process.

Can people change?

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If you look back at your life, does the person you are seem pretty much the same — older, and maybe a little wiser — or do you see significant change over the years?

It is a truism — at least in Western cultures — that people don’t change, or at least not that much. It’s quite a depressing idea. It tells us that if you have a grumpy disposition, you’re likely to stay that way.

Many people believe that personalities are a fixed set of unchanging traits. Think of the expression: “a leopard doesn’t change his spots.” This is meant to warn us that someone who treated us badly is likely to do so again. But here’s the question — what if you’re the person who needs to change?

The surprising secret to a long life

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You won’t be surprised to here that unhealthy lifestyle choices, like smoking, excessive drinking and bad eating habits play a role in how long you’ll live. Nor would you be amazed to learn that chronic illness affects the number of years you’ll have. But here’s something that may well be new information — if you feel healthy, and if your mental agility feels sharp, you’ll live longer.

The findings come from a longitudinal study of over 6,000 adults and were recently published in the journal Psychological Science. Stephen Aichele, a psychological scientist at the University of Geneva in Switzerland and his colleagues wanted to study if cognitive function, health and lifestyle variables could be used to predict mortality.

Body Language Arguments

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Body language is an important part of how we communicate. Here we look at how body language can flame conflict. Look out for our next article where we’ll explain how body language can be used to diffuse an argument.

Every couple argues. Ding, ding, ding! That’s an astounding revelation! Of course you know that. Even Mr Wonderful and Ms Right are going to experience a difference of opinion every now and again. That’s no big deal. In fact, it is healthy. The only way a couple would never argue is if one person is a complete pushover or is too afraid to state how he or she feels. That person may look calm on the surface but chances are they are a seething mass of resentment underneath — and that’s not a recipe for a happy life.

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Crushed! Is it ever okay to be infatuated with someone other than your partner?

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Oh oh! At first glance the obvious answer is no. You’ve met the love of your life, settled down, got married and have committed yourself to a life of monogamy… so why do you find yourself constantly thinking about Eamon from accounts, or Jennifer from the gym?

A crush or an infatuation is an absorbing passion for someone. It means you think about him or her all the time and imagine what it would be like if you were together. Because it is all in your head, this alternate life is blissful. But that’s only because you never get to find out that Eamon is useless at helping out around the house, leaves his dirty socks everywhere and is way too fond of World of Warcraft; or that Jennifer snores really loudly, takes hours to get ready, and talks during films.

Most crushes are based on unrealistic expectations and sometimes the object of your affections has no idea you have any feelings towards them. If your crush is a celebrity they might not even be aware you exist, even if they did retweet something you wrote that one time.

Body language Reconciliation

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Your body language can make an argument easier or harder to resolve. If you missed it, check out our article on body language can make arguments worse.

It ain’t what you say it’s the way that you say it! Although choosing your words carefully is always a good idea — especially if you are arguing with your partner — experts believe that in face-to-face interactions between 50 and 80 percent of communication is non-verbal. Yup! Strangely enough the words that we use may be the least important part of any message; it’s our intonation and our body language that really tells others what we think and feel. For the most part these signals are processed subconsciously — we’re rarely aware that we’re reacting to each other’s body language and, unless we’re making a special effort, we don’t know what signals our body is sending out.

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